Herald Diary: Poultry play when it comes to food prices

By on May 4, 2022 0

PRECIPITOUS price increases are a big concern for our readers. Jim Morrison tells us that he heard on the noon news that due to various circumstances chicken feed has become much more expensive.

Jim adds wisely, “Guess it can’t be called chicken feed anymore.”

chamber of horrors

THE Diary recently mentioned that our morally upright nation is rightly appalled by the revelation that a Conservative politician was spotted watching less than salubrious videos on his phone while sitting in the most important country’s debate hall.

Reader Gordon Casely points out that there is something even more shameful than an MP caught on his mobile in the House of Commons watching porn.

And it’s a pornstar caught on his mobile watching the House of Commons.

sleep of reason

SOLD OUT Journal correspondent Mary Rushton contacts me to say, “I’m thinking of sleeping on the side of my husband’s bed tonight. Apparently from that side, you can’t hear the children waking up at night.

Mystery Sir

ONCE AGAIN we dip a toe into the world of crazy malapropisms, those occasions when the English language has been mutilated, maimed, chopped and mulched.

A nervous reader contacts us to whisper in our ear that although he would generally be happy to be credited with his contribution to the Journal, in this case, for the sake of marital harmony and physical survival, he prefers to remain anonymous.

That being said, he adds that his wife told him one day that she had to tear down her armpits.

She also informed him once that she intended to vote tactfully in an upcoming election.

Order pints

ROD Stewart was spotted at the draw in Glasgow. To be more specific, he was spotted pulling pints at a busy bar frequented by thirsty supporters of Rod’s beloved Celtic FC.

This unusual occurrence intrigues reader Grant Butler, who wonders if the helpful rock star served special alcoholic concoctions. Babycham Jane, for example.

Fatal attraction

THE weird things you notice abroad. Visiting Canada a few years ago, reader Richard Dougherty spotted a brilliantly crafty poster hanging on a wall that advertised the work of a local night school.

On the poster was written: “Whatever you do, please do not join our reverse psychology class.

dry humor

Animal-loving reader Pete Delaney has a silly question for us. “What,” Pete asks, “do you call a parrot with an umbrella?”

The answer, of course, is: “Polly unsaturated”.

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